Clarity, And The Calm

Hey again.

Since my last post, things have actually gotten better. I haven't had any strange memory-like dreams, and I've been getting much needed rest. My life doesn't seem so bad after all.

Well, that was the good news. Now for some "bad" news. How can this post have any bad news, you say? Well, first, let me clear something up for you.

I know that someone has to have figured out by now that my posts seem a little... "inconsistent." What I am referring to is the peculiar break in flow between my second, third, and fourth posts. They don't quite "match up" properly, I suppose you could say. I'll tell you this right now: The third post was just an average every-day post, nothing too dramatically different I guess. The fourth post was correct as well, I guess. But the second post... well, it's not that easy to explain, at least for me I suppose, but I'll still try anyways.

The second post, as you may have noticed, looks like it should be "after all my my other posts", you could say. Because, it didn't describe my disposition at the time at all, not even my current status. I know this for sure. But that isn't even the strangest part- I remember typing all of that out and posting it, BUT, I can't remember why. I can't remember what reason I had for writing what I wrote, and then posting it nonchalantly like that. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I DID THAT. I.... I didn't even know about any "problems" that people were having, let alone me. But, now I can see that things seem to be setting me up to where that post will become accurate, as well as a "vision of the future" if you want to call it that. Once I figure more out, hopefully it can help me put all this to rest. Now that that's done with, I don't really have much left to say.

I will say one last thing though.... I can't help but feel that this time frame of peace was given to me to induce a false sense of security, as if it was the calm before a storm.... Hopfully I'm wrong about it, and soon I'll be able to get back to my normal life.

-Xand

I'm Like An Unexperienced Veteran...

I haven't been feeling well lately. The late hours that I'm working are bad enough, but the sleepless nights I have due to these "dreams" are making it exponentially worse. These dreams, I think I believe that they're real now, that they are from the past, perhaps from me in a previous life. I know, that sounds ridiculous and crazy, but I really think that's what the situation is at the moment. However, I still don't understand their meaning, or why they're coming to me now... Or maybe I do. I'm not sure anymore.

The thing that's really bothering me isn't the dreams themselves, but what they're causing me to think about. Things like running of to some place that I have no idea where it's located, or going to grab an item that I know for a fact that I don't own; or even, committing acts that, well, wouldn't sit well with today's society... it's almost as if, it's a natural instinct, if you can put it that way; I don't know. All I know is that these dreams are really messing with me... and the dreams, well, they're getting worse. The events that happen in the dreams are becoming more and more horrible and terrifying. And the man... the tall man, he's always there when the worst happens, standing not too far off, or sometimes right there in front of me. But, now that I think about it, he feels sort of... familiar to me; and not in that warm, homely feel: more like, the terror that you have always felt you entire life, that terror of the unknown, or like the terror that a child feels when he is lying in his bed awake at night, afraid of the darkness, and not knowing if something is there in that darkness, waiting to get a hold of him. That is what I feel, whenever I see him in those dreams...

I want to find a way to stop all this insanity; I want to figure out why this is happening, and what is causing it. Hopefully, some answers will come to me, soon.

-Xand

Immediate Dreams And Distant Memories...?

I... seem to be.... having dreams. Dreams that... I think, may be.... memories. Memories that... don't seem like they belong to me, necessarily. Though, somewhere, deep, deep within my soul... I think that they might in fact be mine. I don't know how or why, but, the events that happen in those memories, dreams or whatever they are, seem all to familiar. But, why haven't I remembered or seen these "memories", up until recently? I just don't know or understand. And to make even these memories even more impossible for them to belong to me... The place and time they happen in, isn't even from this CENTURY, or MILLENIA for that matter! I'm serriously freaking out!

.... Sorry about that. I'm just... well really confused. Hopefully more sleep and some changes in habits will fix things up.

-Xand

Do You Ever Get That Uneasy Feeling...

So. I've been doing fairly well since my last post. I now have secured a job, and the income is fairly decent. But anyways, that's not what I'm here to talk about. The other day, I had some odd occurrence happen to me that I haven't had for a while.

Yesterday, I was at a relative's house, acting my usual normal self. I had just bought a new weapon the day before, and I had it in my car, so I decided to take it into the backyard, to take some pictures of it, and "model" it. The house I was at is near some old railroad tracks that aren't used that often anymore, and on the other side of them are some dense woods. So as I was doing my thing with my new weapon, I started to get that weird feeling that you have sometimes; you know, the one where you feel as if you're being watched, or something like that. I looked around, but I didn't see anyone or anything else in the yard, nor was anyone looking at me from inside the house. I couldn't see over the 7-foot-tall fence that surrounded the yard, so I didn't know if something was over there or not. I paid no attention to it after a while, since the feeling only lasted for a couple of minutes. That was the only peculiar thing that had happened to me that day.

Now, I don't want to be one to jump to conclusions, but hopefully, that feeling I had yesterday didn't come from the source that I am thinking about. Well, I suppose that the past is in the past, and should stay that way. I don't want to dwell on these thoughts any more. I am now sitting in my own room, safe from anything from that time, so long ago...

That's all for today. Until next time.

-Xand

NOTE: huh, I felt that strange feeling again just now, for a moment. Hm, must be my imagination...

Oh, Who Am I Kidding...

Alright, I admit it, I really made this blog as an alternate so that those of certain "situations" can contact me without the danger of becoming involved in my personal life, though I doubt that I will be able to keep that up for very long. I am here to offer any help to those who need it, but I'm not sure myself of what I am able to offer quite yet. I can tell you however, that my experiences with this special kind of "dilemma" are not a faux. They are genuine, I know that for certain. Sadly, I only can remember certain bits and pieces from when I was having these same "problems", and those that I can remember, I remember to the very last detail, which I find rather... odd.

I can assure you that I am no longer in involved in that "situation", and that I am completely free of danger... though, because of what I'm doing right now, I don't think that will last for very long... I think I was better off keeping it to myself, but now..... now, because I'm forcing my way into the picture again, I may be putting myself in even greater danger than what I was in before. Hopefully that's not the case...

I hope that at least some of you understand what message I am trying to convey to you. I can only hope that some of you will find this blog... I don't want my all my efforts for this to go in vain...

-Xand

Introduction: Just Because

Hello. I am Xand.
I have created this blog as an alternate to my personal one, since that blog has become nigh dead. I felt that I should start over, and create a new blog, one that will keep my interests. Hopefully, it will fulfill its purpose and do so.
I don't have much of anything else to say right now. I know what you're thinking, "What a crappy introduction post." Well, I'm thinking the same too.

-Xand