First Day Back, From A Forgotten Trip...

Well, how would I put this into proper wording? I suppose... I've been doing alot since my last post. Unfortunately, I can't remember any it. Nothing, whatsoever, not even a second of it.

Let me fill you in on what I do seem to know.

After I had finished my previous post, I began to feel very light-headed, as stated before. So, I went to go lay down on my bed for a little while. That's the last thing I remember. What I remember next, doesn't correspond to what I was doing or where I was last. I woke up, but not in my bed, however, I was in my house, near the front door. I was lying face down, arms by my side, I my body ached like no one's business. But it gets more interesting than that. I was wearing an entirely different set of clothing, and I seemed to have my bag beside me, which seemed to be fully packed. When it didn't hurt enough to move, I stood up, grabbed my bag, and went to my room, which had been left in the exact state as it was in before, give or take a few things. I set my bag on the bed, and opened it up. By the looks of the contents, it seemed that it was packed for a very long journey. It had several changes of clothing, empty food wrappers and drinking bottles (none of which I remember purchasing), a pencil and pen with a notepad, and several black markers. There were a few unexplainable items in the bag as well. Two cans of spray paint, one black and one red; a disposable camera; a key, which I have no idea what it goes to; a crumpled blank piece of white printer paper; one of my knives and it's sheath, which I completely forgot I even had; and also.... several tickets, for buses, trains, and airplanes. It seems the destinations were for all over the east coast, as well as a few places a little out west. I also had several receipts, for various things that I did not find in the bag. They were for various things, such as duct tape, bleach detergent, some chemicals I can't even pronounce, and also.... a hand gun. The last item really got my attention. I thought, "Since WHEN have I thought about buying a gun? Let alone decided to get one?" The fact that the gun was not present anywhere in the bag troubled me, so I went back to the front room to check for it. I didn't find it anywhere. I went out to my car (thinking that I might have driven it to get to some of the train stations or airports that I apparently went to), but it wasn't in there either. So I went back in the house and to back to my room. I stood over all the items laid out before me on the bed, trying to determine what the HELL I must have been doing. I didn't take too much time to think about it, because right after that, I felt an odd pain on my right shoulder, which apparently must have been masked earlier by the aching in my body. So I headed to the bathroom, took off my shirt, and looked in the mirror. What I saw made made me flinch. On my right arm near my shoulder, I had been carved up. It looked like it had been done by something sharp. My thoughts flashed immediately to my knife, which was the likely tool used for this job. Upon closer inspection, I realized that the cuts were in fact, arranged into some sort of weird shape, or symbol of sorts. It looks like an hexagon with two lines through it, which sort of look like an X. The wound seemed to have been cleaned as well, which was a relief at least. Still, I don't like the thought that I decided to do some "body modifications" to myself without knowing it. It's still kind of a shock to me.

So that was what I did last, before deciding to put this down in a post, as safety precautions, just in case something else happens soon (though I don't plan on it, hopefully). I'm going to take a more thorough look at the items from the bag, to see if I can come up with any ideas about them.

One thing is for certain though: I've been busy, and I don't know anything about it.

-Xand

Living My Life, Unbeknownst To Myself

I don't know how long I have to type this all out, but here goes.

I'm not sure if it's just me or what, but I don't remember very much of this past week. I'm being serious. All I can remember are bits and pieces, and... other events, but I'll get into that later. All I can say is, is that I think I've been going about my "normal" life, but I have no recollection of it. I know that I've been doing the things I would normally do, because, when I have been "conscious" and aware like I am now, I've asked people around me what I've been doing. Of course, they give me an odd look, but then they tell me I've been doing what I always do. Not sure what that means anymore, but I'll take their word for it. I know I've been into work too, since I've seen my Employee clock-out stubs lying around in my room.

And about the certain events in which I've found myself in when I've come back to being aware. There were two cases. The first one I believe happened last Friday. I found myself driving in my car again, and apparently I had gone far over the speed limit, because a police cruiser was behind me, with lights flashing. It would have been hard to explain to the cop why I was speeding, so I told him I had no excuse for it and that I was sorry. I received a ticket of course, then I went on my way. Apparently, I must have been heading home, since I recognized the road I was on, and the direction I was going in. If I was to guess as to why I was going so fast down the road, it must have been because I saw Him again, like the time before... oh well, better to be caught by the law than Him. The other time, I was in my car yet again, and it was snowing. However, this time, I was parked at an intersection, where I was the only vehicle there. All the traffic lights were solid red, which I found odd, but when i looked down the road from where I was, I understood why. Far off, but not too far, I saw Him again, his thin, monolithic, dark silhouette, unmoving, ever horrifying. My gaze was locked onto Him for quite a while, until I snapped back into reality, then hit the gas pedal and made a U-turn, going the opposite direction away from Him, as fast as one can possibly drive in the snow. This event happened tonight. I am now home again, getting as much as I can remember onto here before I relapse back into... whatever the state is when I become unaware again.

I don't want to go through this much longer, I'm missing too much of my life, losing the chance to make memories, even though I am living through life, and not at the same time.

Damnit. I'm feeling light headed again,.....

... And Then It Hit Me.

Literally.

I'll explain what that means in a bit. But, Ever since my last post, things have been happening to me so fast that I've barely been able to keep track of it. I'll start from where I posted last.

1/30/11 - The night after I posted last, when I was coming home after work.... I saw Him. In real life. It wasn't a dream or hallucination, I know it was Him, as clear as day. The terror and shock that immediately struck me was so intense, that I almost crashed my car. After I was ale to compose myself, I drove home as quickly as I could, and started writing things down... not anything specific, just anything that I could think of. Mostly it was just babble, other times it was facts, and memories, and sometimes what I was thinking at the moment. I don't know why I decided to just start writing, but this went on apparently for a few hours, until I finally stopped and fell asleep in my chair. While I was asleep, the dreams came back. They came back even more terrible than any other times before. I was put through so much agony and pain. After what seemed forever, I awoke with an intense jolt, that I believe I nearly threw myself across the room. As I sat there, wide awake, I looked down at where my head had rested on the notebook, and there was a large, unexplainable blood stain on the paper. After seeing this, I ran to my bathroom, and checked myself to see where the blood could have come from. I had no open wounds, nor did I have any remnants of blood of any kind on me. This forced me into even greater distress. I was unable to sleep for the rest of the night.

1/31/11 - After the sun had risen, I was finally able to fall asleep again. But not without those dreams coming back. Though they were just as terrifying and morbid as last time, I seemed to not... "feel" it as much. I'm not sure I can explain it any better than that. When I had awoken, it was already after 3PM. Thankfully, it was my day off, so I didn't have to worry about going to work later. I decided to drive and walk around town a little, trying to get my mind off of things, and also trying to put myself at ease a little bit. I did this until the sun started to go down. I didn't want to be out and about once night had fallen, for obvious reasons. I didn't want to go back home either. So, I decided to stay over at a friend's house nearby. I went to bed rather early while I was over there, due to my exhaustion from the previous night's events. I didn't have any visitations from Him while I was over there, but of course the dreams came to me once again. I'm beginning to hate these dreams alot now.

2/1/11 - I awoke early from my slumber, and the awakening wasn't so abrupt as the times before. I left my friend's house before 10AM, then headed back to my home. When I got there, it seemed to be awfully quiet. TOO quiet. I went to my room, to check to see if things were as I had left them two nights ago. I expected it to be untouched. I was wrong. My room was a complete wreck. Furniture had been overturned, papers had been flung everywhere - it looked like a tornado had come through my room. I tried my best to clean things up. After I had done so, I noticed something: the notebook in which I had written random things in, with the bloodstain on it, was gone. I looked everywhere in my house, but it was nowhere to be found. I'm not sure why, but I started to panic. I immediately ran outside, for no apparent reason. I looked around the outside of the house, I guess for the notebook. I found something, but it wasn't the notebook. Outside the window of my room, on the side of the house, was a hand print - a very BLOODY hand print. I have no idea where it came from, but it was there. I know that it wasn't from my hand, because it was shaped differently. after seeing it, I started to freak out even more than I was before. I ran back inside, grabbed as much stuff as I could carry, jammed it all into my car, then drove away as fast as I legally could. I didn't know what to do. Someone had been in my house without my knowledge. I don't have any backup keys for the house. How the hell did someone get in there, tear up my room, steal that notebook, leave a bloody hand print on the side of my house, and leave the rest of it essentially unscathed? I couldn't figure out a logical answer to the questions. I drove to a relatives house, and spent the night there. I called in to work sick, even though that was obviously a lie. He didn't visit me this night either, but like always, the dreams were there in His stead.

2/2/11 - Once again, I awoke early, and left the house before 9AM this time. I didn't want to go back home, but for some reason, my mind convinced me otherwise. I pulled into my driveway, unpacked my car, then went to the front door to unlock it. Right when I was about to put the key into the lock, I started to feel like someone was watching me. I set my stuff down, turned around. A few blocks down the street, there is a rather large tree, right in the middle of someone's front yard. I when my eyes came to it, they suddenly froze. There behind the tree, was Him. I know it was Him. No one could be that tall. His head almost reached the top of the tree's branches. He looked almost like a giant spider with two legs. He didn't move, He just stood there, behind the tree. I couldn't see His face, but I know He could see me. I stood there, frozen, looking at Him, for several minutes. I didn't know what to do, except not move, hoping that He would eventually go away. But He never did. Then, I decided, "screw it." I bolted down the street towards Him. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, but apparently I must have thought that if I charge Him, he would just vanish into thin air. Nope. He didn't move. I kept running towards Him, even faster now. Just as I was about to reach then tree, I suddenly felt slower, as if time itself was slowing down. Then, as I looked back towards where he stood behind the tree, I came to an abrupt stop, but not by my own doing. I stopped because my body felt like it hit an invisible brick wall. Excruciating pain shot through my entire body. It was nearly unbearable. Only a second after that happened, I suddenly blacked out. I don't know what happened after that, but when I came to, I was in my house, on the floor in front of my room. I don't know how I got there, but I know I couldn't have carried my unconscious self there. When I checked my watch, it was 7PM. I apparently was out for almost ten hours. I got up and went to the front door. It was locked. I looked around the rest of the house, checking to see how I could have gotten inside. Everything was closed shut. I went back to the front door, opened it, and found all of my stuff, right where I had left it, included my keys, still on the ground in front of the door. After I brought my things inside, I rechecked the house, making sure that everything was locked. I felt extremely tired, so I went to go take a shower. When I had gotten out and headed to my room, I noticed that there was a light on in my living room that I know I didn't turn on. I walked into the living room, looked around, then turned off the light. I wasn't sure, but I had a feeling that I wasn't alone in my house. I went back to my room, got dressed, then headed back to the living room. The light that that I had just turned off, was on again. Now I was sure that someone else was in the house. Without much thought, I ran back into my room, grabbed one of my katanas from my closet, then ran back out into the living room, ready for whatever the fuck tried to pick a fight with me. But, right as I stepped into the room, what felt like a bomb going off in my head gave me one of the worst and severe migraines I have ever felt in my entire life. I grabbed my head, screaming in agony. It felt like this went on forever, until, just as quickly as it had come, the migrain left. I suddenly felt really light-headed. I tried to stand up but I couldn't. After a short while of this, I simply dropped to the ground, where I apparently passed out for the rest of the night.

2/3/11 - I awoke, this time in my back yard. It was broad daylight, so I must have been out for at least 12 hours. I got up, not feeling woozy at all, and went to my back door. It was locked. I went around the house, checking all the doors and windows. All of them were locked, which didn't come as surprise to me, considering that I'm the one who locked it all up last. Thankfully, I had my cell phone on me, and I called a guy I know who is a locksmith. It took a few hours, but he was able to get me into my house through the back door. It has only been a few hours since then, and now I am writing this post.

So basically, I've had a rough past couple of days. I'll try to post again in the next few days, given that nothing has happened to me before then. Ciao.

-Xand.