Thursday, February 10, 2011

Living My Life, Unbeknownst To Myself

I don't know how long I have to type this all out, but here goes.

I'm not sure if it's just me or what, but I don't remember very much of this past week. I'm being serious. All I can remember are bits and pieces, and... other events, but I'll get into that later. All I can say is, is that I think I've been going about my "normal" life, but I have no recollection of it. I know that I've been doing the things I would normally do, because, when I have been "conscious" and aware like I am now, I've asked people around me what I've been doing. Of course, they give me an odd look, but then they tell me I've been doing what I always do. Not sure what that means anymore, but I'll take their word for it. I know I've been into work too, since I've seen my Employee clock-out stubs lying around in my room.

And about the certain events in which I've found myself in when I've come back to being aware. There were two cases. The first one I believe happened last Friday. I found myself driving in my car again, and apparently I had gone far over the speed limit, because a police cruiser was behind me, with lights flashing. It would have been hard to explain to the cop why I was speeding, so I told him I had no excuse for it and that I was sorry. I received a ticket of course, then I went on my way. Apparently, I must have been heading home, since I recognized the road I was on, and the direction I was going in. If I was to guess as to why I was going so fast down the road, it must have been because I saw Him again, like the time before... oh well, better to be caught by the law than Him. The other time, I was in my car yet again, and it was snowing. However, this time, I was parked at an intersection, where I was the only vehicle there. All the traffic lights were solid red, which I found odd, but when i looked down the road from where I was, I understood why. Far off, but not too far, I saw Him again, his thin, monolithic, dark silhouette, unmoving, ever horrifying. My gaze was locked onto Him for quite a while, until I snapped back into reality, then hit the gas pedal and made a U-turn, going the opposite direction away from Him, as fast as one can possibly drive in the snow. This event happened tonight. I am now home again, getting as much as I can remember onto here before I relapse back into... whatever the state is when I become unaware again.

I don't want to go through this much longer, I'm missing too much of my life, losing the chance to make memories, even though I am living through life, and not at the same time.

Damnit. I'm feeling light headed again,.....

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