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I've Seen Hell And Lived To Tell...

I don't have much time to type this , but I'll share what I can. a few weeks after I posted MY last post, I got curious and decided to come back and check out the blog. I then found the post before this one. I didn't post that. I don't know who did. I was seriously worried after I saw it. when I went to go edit and delete the post, my "scar" began to burn intensely and I jumped back from the instant pain. then the rest of my body began to go numb. before I knew it, I was on the ground to the point of nearly fainting. I was on the edge of consciousness when I heard the back door of my house burst open. seconds afterward, a dark figure rushed into my room. I couldn't see the finer details of them, because of the pain my vision had become somewhat blurred as well. I was immediately pinned down, unnecessarily I might add, and my arms and legs were tied up. I was then flung over the figure's shoulder, and they rushed out the same way they forcefully came in. this was when I entirely lost consciousness. the next thing I remember is waking up in what seemed to be a dark room, pitch black with no light. I couldn't move, and I felt like something heavy was holding me down. all I could do was lay there. after what seemed like an eternity, I heard voices. they were faint, so I couldn't quite make out what they were saying. I tried to call out to them for help, but my voice wouldn't work either. then, more voices joined the ones already present. then more, and more. until it sounded like an entire stadium of people were speaking, watching me in complete darkness. they were overwhelming. they didn't stop talking, they just kept going. I thought that I was going to complete lose my mind... not like I already had though. I don't know how long this went for, but I was completely conscious the entire time. then, the voices subsided. after that, I heard a voice, as clear as day, say to me, "we are waiting for you. waiting for you to join our great nothingness." after that, I finally blacked out. then what seemed liked immediately afterward, I woke up, in my bed. as if nothing had happened. I didn't feel any pain. I was able to do everything I normally could. I got up to check what day it was.... and I couldn't believe it. a whole month had passed. I... I don't know how the hell that happened. it's the longest I've been "unconscious", I guess. I panicked. I would assume that people were worried about me being gone that long. I called a few people, including my family, to check to see if they had known or done anything about my long absence. what came next shocked me. apparently, "I" had been doing everything I normally do the past month, as if nothing had happened to me. but I don't remember it. none of it at all. was it really me that was doing everything they said I was? I just don't know what to think anymore. I never wanted this. I don't want any more to happen to me. I'm getting sick of this. but right now, I need to go lay down... I know this might be a bad joke, but don't be surprised if this happens to me again right now. hopefully it doesn't, haha. ugh, I wish I knew the answers to all this. but I already know that trying to investigate will get me nowhere. just how long will I have to endure this... toture?


-Xand

CA BWGS LWGHCBWV WZWA

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KSOK OWHTC FMC IFOB GKSF

A Message, And No More....

Sorry, I know it's been a while since my last post, and I know that I haven't been posting that often either. It's just.... I've been trying to ignore this part of my life, and get on with things, as they should be. But since I left you hanging, I may as well tell you what I found.

I used the black light on the paper. I did in fact find something. All it was was a jumble of letters. I didn't take the time to try and figure it out or whatever, so I'll just post it up here for you so you can see:

JQXB YAOPAS KD AQTFY GFZMG C

I don't want to even bother with it. I was expecting something that was actually clear, not this sort of crap. I'm tired of this nonsense, and I want to be done with it. Don't expect me to post anything more here that has anything to do with that or anything related to it. I am getting back to my normal life.

Restless, But...

I can't seem to be able to sleep at all tonight. However, with my restlessness, I've come up with an idea I want to try with the paper... I want to run a black light over it. Maybe there is something there, just not visible immediately to the naked eye. I don't own a black light, so tomorrow I'll borrow one from a friend. I'll post in the near future on my findings with it, or anything else I may come up with.

-Xand

Investigative Efforts, All For Naught...

Damn. I've used this whole past month to try and figure things out, but I haven't found anything new; only hypothetical conclusions. Sorry, I should slow down and explain.

I'll start with the easiest to explain: the train, bus and plane tickets. I went to the airport that was closest to where I live, and where I apparently bought my first set of tickets. I brought them with me, just in case I needed to have some kind of proof that I bought them. I conversed with the person at the information desk, trying to figure out something, trying to get any kind of important information that I could. I was told that there were no recent records of me buying any tickets, except for one that I had bought several years ago when I went to visit some relatives out of state. When I showed them the tickets, they took them and walked away somewhere for a bit, then came back with them, telling me that, even though they appear to have all the credentials for official tickets, they must be some sort of counterfeits. Even though I wanted to keep asking, to see if I could get some answers, I ended it there, knowing that if I tried, I wouldn't have gotten anywhere with my efforts. It was essentially the same story with the train tickets, which I had apparently purchased at a train station further away; same with the bus tickets. No records, no evidence, nothing.

Moving on to the assorted items from the bag. I looked again over the receipts from the bag, thinking there might be a date or the name of the stores at which I had bought any of the items, since I didn't really take a close look at them the first time. Unfortunately the info that I was hoping to find had been marked out by black permanent marker, another of the items that was in the bag. I haven't figured out anything for the spray paint cans yet.

Now for the key, camera, and crumpled white printer paper. I took the disposable camera, and attempted to open it; it was rather easy, since it looked like it had been tampered with before. To my dismay, I didn't find the film that was supposed to be inside. I took the unknown key and tried it on all the locks around my house, but it didn't fit for any of them. I've been trying it on any other locks that I can possibly think of, but still no match so far. As for the crumpled white printer paper, I had passed it off as a random piece of garbage, but I keep feeling that it's somehow more than that. I still need to figure out what to do with that.

I’m still thinking about that receipt for the gun…. I obviously don’t have the gun, so where could it be? Did I hide it somewhere, or possibly get rid of it? Or does someone else have the gun now? I have yet to find answers to those questions.

Oh, and another thing… It seems circumstances have gotten a lot better, but not completely. I haven’t blacked out or woken up with any memory loss lately, and I haven’t seen Him around either. On top of that, I haven’t had any overly strange dreams. But, during the dead of night, I hear sounds, ones ever so faint, that I can’t explain. Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s my imagination or not. Also, every now and then, that “symbol” that was carved into my skin on my arm gets a slight burning sensation to it, and I can’t figure out why.

I hope that I’ll be able to find some answers soon to all of this insanity. That, or things go back to the way they were before all this. But I can’t help but think that’s not going to happen.

-Xand

First Day Back, From A Forgotten Trip...

Well, how would I put this into proper wording? I suppose... I've been doing alot since my last post. Unfortunately, I can't remember any it. Nothing, whatsoever, not even a second of it.

Let me fill you in on what I do seem to know.

After I had finished my previous post, I began to feel very light-headed, as stated before. So, I went to go lay down on my bed for a little while. That's the last thing I remember. What I remember next, doesn't correspond to what I was doing or where I was last. I woke up, but not in my bed, however, I was in my house, near the front door. I was lying face down, arms by my side, I my body ached like no one's business. But it gets more interesting than that. I was wearing an entirely different set of clothing, and I seemed to have my bag beside me, which seemed to be fully packed. When it didn't hurt enough to move, I stood up, grabbed my bag, and went to my room, which had been left in the exact state as it was in before, give or take a few things. I set my bag on the bed, and opened it up. By the looks of the contents, it seemed that it was packed for a very long journey. It had several changes of clothing, empty food wrappers and drinking bottles (none of which I remember purchasing), a pencil and pen with a notepad, and several black markers. There were a few unexplainable items in the bag as well. Two cans of spray paint, one black and one red; a disposable camera; a key, which I have no idea what it goes to; a crumpled blank piece of white printer paper; one of my knives and it's sheath, which I completely forgot I even had; and also.... several tickets, for buses, trains, and airplanes. It seems the destinations were for all over the east coast, as well as a few places a little out west. I also had several receipts, for various things that I did not find in the bag. They were for various things, such as duct tape, bleach detergent, some chemicals I can't even pronounce, and also.... a hand gun. The last item really got my attention. I thought, "Since WHEN have I thought about buying a gun? Let alone decided to get one?" The fact that the gun was not present anywhere in the bag troubled me, so I went back to the front room to check for it. I didn't find it anywhere. I went out to my car (thinking that I might have driven it to get to some of the train stations or airports that I apparently went to), but it wasn't in there either. So I went back in the house and to back to my room. I stood over all the items laid out before me on the bed, trying to determine what the HELL I must have been doing. I didn't take too much time to think about it, because right after that, I felt an odd pain on my right shoulder, which apparently must have been masked earlier by the aching in my body. So I headed to the bathroom, took off my shirt, and looked in the mirror. What I saw made made me flinch. On my right arm near my shoulder, I had been carved up. It looked like it had been done by something sharp. My thoughts flashed immediately to my knife, which was the likely tool used for this job. Upon closer inspection, I realized that the cuts were in fact, arranged into some sort of weird shape, or symbol of sorts. It looks like an hexagon with two lines through it, which sort of look like an X. The wound seemed to have been cleaned as well, which was a relief at least. Still, I don't like the thought that I decided to do some "body modifications" to myself without knowing it. It's still kind of a shock to me.

So that was what I did last, before deciding to put this down in a post, as safety precautions, just in case something else happens soon (though I don't plan on it, hopefully). I'm going to take a more thorough look at the items from the bag, to see if I can come up with any ideas about them.

One thing is for certain though: I've been busy, and I don't know anything about it.

-Xand